


Another day

by Alireza



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Aftermath of miscarriage, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 06:50:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13358829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alireza/pseuds/Alireza
Summary: Sherlock and Molly try to cope with a miscarriage.





	Another day

Sherlock didn't know what to do. Molly didn't tell him what she expected or what she needed. They'd been drifting apart for a while and she didn't seem to mind. The last honest and private conversation they had was the one right before the fateful appointment. After that, they only discussed work. Sherlcok tried to convey his feelings without words. He wanted Molly to know he didn't blame her and he didn't feel relieved when the major life complication disappeared so quickly.

The problem was the uncertainty. Nobody knew for sure how Molly felt about the miscarriage. Even Sherlock was aware of countless ways of coping with an experience like that. Some women craved attention and desperately wanted the lost little one to be recognised as a family member. The natural reaction of family and friends that was keeping the distance and talking about everything but babies, pregnancy and death, could be extremely hurtful. It'd be much simpler of Molly handed them a clear list of do's and don'ts. She could felt numb, secretly glad, guilty, indifferent, shocked. Sherlcok had no idea which one was right, Molly kept him at arm's length. If she needed comfort, she wasn't getting it.

Thoughts about the loss didn't leave him. Inescapable everyday reminders didn't let him forget. He thought Molly'd have been six months pregnant now. She'd have a sizeable bump. They would've known the gender. But also, Molly could've lost the baby at 24 weeks. It'd have been more painful then, considering all those micro-preemies who survived and thrived despite being born so early.

Finally Sherlock was tired of not talking. He went to see Molly. He knocked on her door. She was inside, he could hear the telly. She hesitated, yet opened the door and let him in.

'Did you come to check if I'm sober?' She asked when he looked around the flat.

'I'm not looking for empty bottles. How, er, how are you feeling?'

She shook her head. 'Don't do that. Not you. I've enough on my plate.'

She showed him her phone. Numerous missed calls from his parents and brother. 'Mycroft wants me to leave the country.'

'What?'

'He suggests vacation abroad. Anywhere I want, for how long I want. Take as many friends with you as you want, he says. He'll pay for everything. Your mother tells me all about her aunt's two miscarriages and convinces me I can still have a healthy baby. John looks at me like I'm planning to kidnap Rosie. Greg didn't want my help in the case of a murdered infant. Janine introduced me to the concept of rainbow babies.'

'Oh.'

'You shouldn't have told everyone so quickly.'

Sherlock didn't explain that it was all because she let him take the positive pregnancy test. John saw it, Mycroft saw it. Janine saw the boxes of Rosie's in Sherlock's flat.

'I wish nobody knew. I hate it that they expect me to choose one attitude and stick with it. It's not a single thought. I think, it's good it happened early enough that I didn't require a D&C. It's good that I didn't have time to get attached to it. I didn't have to suffer from morning sickness needlessly. There had to be a reason that I miscarried, it's better that I didn't have to deliver a stillborn at twenty-something weeks. But then I think, if my baby had to die, it'd be better to carry it to term and donate the organs. And then I wonder why someone else's child could live while mine died. Once I wish I could bury it, but I'd be one of those people who are ordered by the council to take down Christmas tree and elaborate decoration from their child's grave. It's better that Toby avoided the stress of sharing his space with a loud newborn. Sometimes it dawns on me how ridiculous it's to be so distraught by losing... I was still deciding how I felt about it. Maybe I missed some signs But above all, I wish I hadn't got pregnant in the first place.'

Sherlock listened to her rant and every comment that popped into his head sounded wrong. Molly was agitated. Sherlock noticed Toby was hiding under the table, looking alarmed and distressed.

'There's so many worst things about it, one of them it that, although clumsily, everyone focuses on me.' Molly took a long, deep breath and asked softly. 'How are you doing?'

Sherlock didn't have a simple answer. Nothing was simple anymore.  The only thing sure was he still carried the test in his jacket. THeir relationship, difficult to define before the pregnancy and extremely fragile afterwards, was worth fighting for. If only for the reason that they were the only two people who knew how much they had lost.

He was thinking to ask her out, invite her over, say something. Instead, he held his hand out and touched her shoulder. She pushed his hand away. 'I can't, I'm sorry.'

**Author's Note:**

> It's inspired by a false positive pregnancy test that my brother carried for a long time in his jacket.


End file.
